Pop the Balloon!
How I would deal with anxiety
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it.” — Kahlil Gibran
In a recent conversation with a friend, who seemed troubled all the time, he told me he had been suffering from chronic anxiety for more than a year.
“What is that?” I asked.
“It’s...anxiety. Very bad anxiety,” he said.
“Yes, but what is it. What are you anxious about?”
“Oh, lots of stuff. Money, the mortgage, my teenage kids, the future, everything.”
“So you are worried about everything?”
“Well, yes, but you know, anxiety?”
It sounded like I was trivialising his situation, but I wasn’t. I was genuinely concerned and a little curious. Ed (not his real name) has always been a bit of a drama queen. He also enjoys the sympathy in conversations like these.
In recent years, I have noticed how often the word “anxiety” shows up in casual conversations, even with strangers. Some, like Ed, describe what they experience as chronic anxiety.
I nodded as Ed continued to explain his anxiety. I said that I understand because I am a worrier too, about money, work, the future...everything. For me, I also see worry as a bad habit that I could usually shake off once I put things into perspective. It was never chronic anxiety, and I never felt paralysed by it.
He looked at me and said annoyingly, “You don’t get it. It is not the same as worrying.”
Maybe he’s right.
But Fear is Real
Fear has always been part of being human. Sometimes it is clear and sharp, like when a neighbour’s pitbull escaped and is charging aggressively towards you in the morning. Other times, it lingers like a quiet hum in the background, a perpetual restless feeling that something bad is about to happen, even when there is no evidence that anything is wrong. That hum is anxiety.
My conversation with Ed stayed with me. It made me realise how easily we may confuse everyday worry with something much heavier, something that can cripple a person’s ability to function. It also made me reflect more deeply on what anxiety really is, where it comes from, why we feel it, and how it sometimes takes over our lives.
What Fear and Anxiety Really Are
Ed’s words, “It is not the same as worrying,” made me pause. He was describing more than a restless mind. It had taken over his way of living. Maybe there is a real difference between everyday worry and what we call anxiety.
Fear and anxiety are related but not the same. Fear is our body’s response to an immediate and visible threat, like the pitbull charging towards you. Your heart races, your muscles tense, and your body prepares to act. That reaction is fear doing its job.
Anxiety is about anticipation. It is the story the mind tells about what might happen. To continue with the analogy, it is fear that comes from anticipating the pitbull suddenly charging at you when there is no pitbull. Nothing is happening in that moment, yet your body reacts as if the danger were right in front of you.
For many, it is also worrying about losing their job, becoming homeless, getting sick, and the list goes on.
I Hate Balloons
I know I am not alone in this. As a child, I must have been startled by too many balloons bursting, because even now, I cannot stand the anticipation of it happening. It is not the sound but the waiting for it to happen. If someone is blowing up a balloon nearby, I feel so uncomfortable that I excuse myself from the room. What is strange is that if I walk over and pop the balloon myself, the anxiety disappears, because there is no more anticipation. This example gives me insight into the nature of anxiety. It is rarely about the event itself. It is about the waiting, the uncertainty, and the sense of having no control.
There is a reason for this wiring. Our ancestors survived because their bodies were quick to react to possible threats. That rustle in the grass might have been the wind, or a sabretooth tiger. Better to be safe than sorry. That hair trigger kept us alive.
When Helpful Turns Harmful
Today, that same system often misfires. A phone call from your unfriendly boss, a mortgage payment reminder, or a difficult conversation can set off the same alarm. Our bodies respond as if there were tigers nearby when we are sitting at a desk or driving home from work.
Fear actually protects us. Anxiety is when fear loops endlessly and tells us stories of worst-case scenarios that may never happen. That is when it moves from a protective response into something that cripples our ability to think clearly and act with confidence.
But anxiety has a purpose too. It is supposed to motivate us, sharpen our minds, give us foresight, and prompt us to prepare for what we are worried about. Some anxiety before an exam can drive us to turn off Netflix and study. Feeling anxious about a project at work can push us to plan more carefully. In these moments, anxiety is helpful because it leads to action.
The problem begins when anxiety does not lead anywhere. Instead of being a push to take action, it becomes a loop. We feel restless, we imagine all the possibilities, but we never move. Anxiety without action is counterproductive. Debilitating. It keeps the body tense and the mind stuck. Over time, it can even kill you.
To escape discomfort, we step back from the very things that might help. We procrastinate, we ignore, we put it off. There is temporary relief that tells the brain avoidance works. But in the background, our fears grow.
Anxiety was meant to be a signal. When we listen to it, take the action we can, and then release it, it serves us. When nothing more can be done, staying in the anxious state only drains us.
Practical Ways to Calm the System Without Medication
Anxiety may feel overwhelming, yet the body has built-in ways to restore balance. These practices are simple and accessible. They work because they engage both body and mind.
Controlled breathing
One of the most powerful and immediate ways to cope with anxiety is to focus on your breath. Try the 4-7-8 method. Inhale for four counts, hold for seven counts, exhale for eight counts. Even without counting, steady breathing pulls attention away from the fear that is fueling anxiety. This is a quick fix for the symptom, not the cause. For chronic anxiety, you will need longer-term habits as well.
Ground yourself
Like breathing, grounding is a quick reset. When thoughts spiral, use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Notice five things you see, four you touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste. This anchors awareness in the present and away from the thoughts causing anxiety.
Put things into perspective
What’s the worst-case scenario? When I was younger, we had a blunt way of asking someone who was worrying. “Will this make you lose your head?” If the answer was no, then why worry? The logic still helps. What is the worst that could happen, and what is likely to happen? Is it really as bad as you imagined? Reframing puts the facts back into perspective.
Take action, now
“Can I do something about this?” If the answer is yes, act. Now. If you are worried about an exam, get out of bed and study. If you are concerned about money, work out a budget. Spend less, earn more. Do everything you can to reduce the risk. Then let go. Like popping the balloon, the anticipation fades because you have done what you can. Anxiety is meant to drive preparation, not freeze you in perpetual fear.
Move
If you cannot act immediately, then move. Exercise. Exhaust yourself completely. Go for a long walk or run. Workout until you cannot lift a finger (figuratively). Anxiety is also pent-up energy with nowhere to go. Complete the cycle. Pop the balloon. Movement gives anxiety an outlet and helps the mind settle.
Stay Healthy
Have enough sleep (or rest/meditate if you can’t sleep), eat healthy, avoid things that are bad for you (you know what those are). Create light and simple routines in your life. Make your bed. Do your dishes. Wash your clothes. Clean up. Declutter. Many unrelated things are cause for a restless mind. Self-care creates a buffer that stops anxiety from boiling over.
Reach out
Sometimes you need to talk. A friend, a parent, a sibling, a therapist, or even yourself, via a journal or a blog. Talking about the feeling reduces its intensity. Anxiety thrives in silence when you let it simmer on the back burner.
Courage! Take One Small Act at a Time
Courage is an essential quality in dealing with anxiety and fear. Having courage means facing your fears, taking action to overcome, meeting your opponent face to face, and accepting the consequences. It is staring down the monster and looking it straight in the eyes. Courage is walking over and popping the balloon that terrorises you.
The goal is to confront your fears. Send the email you have been putting off. Speak up. Make the phone call. Push back. “Let me at ’em!” Each action tells your mind and body that fear is not in charge. You are, so take charge!
These actions help restore agency. Puts control back into your hands. Anxiety feeds on helplessness. Each time you do something, even something small, you remind yourself that you have power and choice. Over time, those small steps add up to a life guided by values and courage rather than fear.
A Closing Word for Ed
Here, I want to pause and apologise to Ed. If I came across as insensitive, I am sorry. I do understand what anxiety is. I know it can be crippling, and in some cases, medical intervention is needed to prevent it from deepening into depression or even suicidal thoughts.
But I also want to tender another perspective. For many of us, there are steps we can take before anxiety takes root. At its core, anxiety is the anticipation of something frightening that may never happen. It is meant to move us toward preparation and action. Do not let it paralyse you. Take initiative, however small. Each step forward weakens its grip.
Anxiety feeds on hopelessness and despair. Do not let it grow in silence. Talk to a friend. Share what you feel. For me, writing here on Substack has been a way of putting things into perspective. Putting my thoughts into words helps me see things as they are.
So take a breath. Centre yourself. Name the fear and meet it head-on. Pop the balloon. You may discover that the monster in your mind was never there in the first place.
About Heart Matters
Heart Matters is my way of exploring the inner life, not only our battles with stress and loneliness, but also the beauty of love, joy, and the sacredness of ordinary days. If these words spoke to you, I invite you to subscribe and join a community learning to live with heart.